Welcome again. One other episode of Life Time Talks. I’m David Freeman.
And I’m Jamie Martin.
And we have now an incredible episode at this time that’s going to be speaking concerning the seven guidelines of self-reliance. Whenever you consider how quickly altering our world is in the case of communication, while you consider self and the way a lot we have now already invested in self, our experiences have formed us over time. However generally, we have a tendency to not take that shot. In at this time’s episode, we’re going to speak about investing in self, learn how to take advantage of out of self, and counting on self to make it occur. So we have now a particular visitor, Jamie, go forward and introduce her.
Sure, I’m so excited for Maha Abouelenein. Maha is a world communications skilled with greater than 30 years of expertise working in strategic communications throughout tech, media, and authorities. She is the founding father of Digital and Savvy. She is the bestselling writer of the brand new e book, 7 Guidelines of Self-Reliance The way to Keep Low, Maintain Shifting, Spend money on Your self and Personal Your Future. And she or he is the host of the Savvy Speak podcast.
She believes communication is the bridge to each alternative. I really like that. That is sort of a mantra virtually. Like how can we discuss and talk higher with each other? So Maha, thanks for becoming a member of us. We’re so completely happy to have you ever.
I’m so excited to be right here. I’m an enormous fan of the present. I’m an avid listener. So to be a visitor right here is great. And simply tremendous pumped to talk with you guys at this time.
Superior. We’re going to leap proper in. We wish to know extra about you and the way you bought right here. How did you resolve to take this path to be main folks in international communications?
So I’m born and raised in Minnesota. I grew up in Mankato. My dad was a dean of the enterprise faculty and educator. I lived in Mankato, house of the coaching camp for the Vikings. And it’s a small city, a university city that swells up through the faculty 12 months. And after graduating from Mankato State, undergraduate and graduate levels, I moved to the Twin Cities.
I labored for Normal Mills doing sports activities advertising and marketing, Wheaties, Betty Crocker, all of the enjoyable manufacturers that you simply guys are conscious of. And after I was 27 years previous, my dad and mom, who’re each Egyptian, stated, we’re shifting again to Egypt. They’d come right here to go to highschool and ended up spending 30 odd years right here within the US.
And I moved to Egypt at 27, didn’t communicate the language, didn’t have any pals, didn’t have a community, actually needed to depend on myself to determine how I used to be going to create a profession for myself in what was just about for me, a overseas nation. And my mother had a number of sclerosis. So I used to be caretaking for my mom on the time. And that was the rationale why I moved again with my dad and mom.
I ended up dwelling abroad for 23 years between Egypt and Dubai, labored in communications, head of public coverage and international communications for Google, launched Netflix within the Center East, labored for the ruler of Dubai, ended up being a marketing consultant for the US authorities, serving to them inform tales within the Center East, serving just a few undersecretaries of state for public diplomacy and have become actually often known as the Olivia Pope of the Center East. If anybody had a disaster in comms, they’d come to me. After which 2020 occurred, and the pandemic hit.
And I religiously come to Minnesota each single summer season. And the considered me not with the ability to see my household was a non-negotiable for me. And after dwelling abroad for 23 years, in 24 hours, I made a decision to maneuver house as a result of they stated the airports had been going to shut. And I wouldn’t be capable to depart the nation.
So I left Dubai in 2020, and I moved again to Minnesota. And I’ve been right here for 4 years. I rebuilt my enterprise. I’ve a communications agency the place I seek the advice of for people and firms on learn how to do good storytelling and communications. And quick ahead to this e book. It was a giant aim of mine to put in writing a e book. And didn’t actually know I used to be going to put in writing a e book about self-reliance.
However after I thought of every part I had executed in my profession, and I appeared by line, the factor that was fixed was learn how to depend on your self. And this isn’t a e book about what I did. It’s how I did it and the way I do it. And I wish to encourage folks to put money into themselves and to consider in themselves and to belief themselves. As a result of all good issues occur once they do.
I really like that. I really like that. And I wish to lead with after we discuss concerning the common language, I at all times speak about how music and motion are just like the common languages. So in the case of communication, I’ve a robust ardour behind it. I am going all the best way again to varsity after I wished to main in interpersonal communication. And I simply knew I used to be going to be the most effective communicator.
After which the trainer had me go up within the entrance and have this — public communicate. After which it was a actuality verify for me actual fast. Nearly like imposter syndrome after I’m in entrance of all my friends.
[INAUDIBLE]
But it surely additionally modified one thing inside me on that day. And we’re going to most likely unpack a variety of that. I’m going to return again full circle to this second. So first issues first, let’s go into your philosophy round communication. Why it’s so important to have a robust communication, and because it pertains to encouraging transparency and bringing essentially the most out of your self when speaking to any individual in entrance of you?
I feel the most important factor is tales are what join us. Take into consideration while you comply with any individual on social media otherwise you hear a narrative within the information, what makes you cease and give it some thought? Is it one thing that evoked emotion? Was it one thing that was humorous? Communications won’t ever exit of favor. Irrespective of how a lot AI takes over the world or infuses into each a part of our lives, we’re nonetheless going to need to construct relationships. We’re nonetheless going to have to speak with one another — at work, socially, by your communities and your households.
And the e book isn’t a communications e book. It’s extra about rules of what you are able to do to personal your future. And I really feel prefer it begins with the story you inform your self first. A very powerful story is the story you inform your self. What am I able to? What do I care about? What are my values. And how are you going to lean into that? And I really feel like as we begin a brand new 12 months, it’s a recent new 12 months. Lots of people take into consideration resolutions and objectives.
And I take into consideration organising programs as a result of programs are what’s going to maintain you. Techniques are the issues that you may proceed to try this will construct a behavior or construct sustainability for your self. And it’s exhausting. We’ve quite a bit happening in our lives. We obtained household obligations. We obtained work obligations. We’ve stress. We’ve social media, the place we’re evaluating ourselves on a regular basis, considering we’re most likely not doing sufficient, or different individuals are doing extra. However I would like you to only ignore all of that.
And the primary rule of the e book is keep low, hold shifting. That you’ll want to keep low, not low profile, however keep low since you may very well be up right here distracted by every part occurring on the planet that you simply’re by no means going to deal with what you care about. So how are you going to tune out the noise, prove the issues which can be distracting you, or the doubters telling you may’t do it, or the distractions from, let’s say, for instance, comparability on social media. Keep low and keep targeted in your objectives, and also you’ll obtain them.
And hold shifting as a result of you’ll have setbacks. You should have a nasty day. You should have financial challenges. You should have issues that occur. Life occurs. It’s messy. So the primary rule of being self-reliant, a little bit extra self-reliant at this time than you had been yesterday is like, how are you going to keep targeted on what you care about? It’s like sitting in entrance of your e mail all day. When you’re simply sitting inside, fielding emails coming into your inbox, these are different folks’s priorities interrupting your day, not the stuff you truly wish to get executed.
So take into consideration a small aim. If it’s studying learn how to prepare dinner. Is it studying learn how to play pickleball? Is it studying learn how to use AI? No matter your aim is, should you’re consistently getting a bit pushed again due to distractions, it’s time to remain low and hold shifting.
I really like that. As a result of I do suppose that we live in a world of distraction the place it’s straightforward to get pulled in 100 completely different instructions, or to any individual else’s priorities. I’m 100% responsible of that. And I really feel like there’s moments after I’m like, you need to come inward once more and discover you. Like what is looking to me, and what do I have to put my consideration on? So I really like that as a spot to start out.
I feel quite a bit about the way you spend your schedule and hacking your productiveness. So I’ve one thing referred to as no assembly Wednesdays. The place on Wednesdays, I don’t do calls. I don’t do conferences. I actually use it a day to suppose, to plan, to energise, to offer me that point to deal with what I care about realizing that I do want to fulfill folks and have calls. However I do know on Wednesday, I’m going to have some considering time to do it.
So is it spending two hours in your schedule in per week the place you’re going to get that focus time. Is it one hour per week? Begin small. Construct that behavior. Construct it into your calendar of I’m going to spend as soon as per week simply doing targeted work to deal with one thing that I care about doing.
I’d take it a step additional. Simply going again to — keep in mind, I stated I used to be in entrance of the category. And I imply, at an older age, I now can communicate to this. It was the best way you suppose dictates the best way you act.
100%.
It normally yields the outcome that you simply get. That was one piece that I didn’t have geared up but at a younger age of 17, freshman in excessive — I’m sorry, faculty. Take the step additional, you stated SYSTEMS. And I really like that. And I really like acronyms. You understand I really like my acronyms.
Sure, David —
Save your self time, power, cash, and stress while you apply the SYSTEMS.
Save your self time, power and cash. Yeah, I obtained it.
Yeah, and stress. And while you apply it although. As a result of we at all times speak about how information is energy. However then, the fact is the appliance.
Is what we get caught on.
You bought to use it. You bought to use it. We will learn the e book, however we nonetheless have to use the instruments to permit it to return to life.
One of many issues I did within the e book was make it actually sensible. So on the finish of each chapter, there’s a cheat sheet. After which I give reflection workout routines so folks can put the foundations to work.
There you go.
And that’s one of many suggestions I’ve gotten from the e book is like how sensible it’s, is how I can truly do this stuff and implement them into my life.
I really like that. You talked about rule primary already. Let’s leap proper to rule quantity two then as a result of we wish to undergo these — be a worth creator. Inform us extra about this.
So I take into consideration how — after I look again at my profession, what was the factor that caught? Was eager about — I constantly attempt to add worth to different folks. And by including worth to different folks, I finally add worth to myself. So I take into consideration I’ll meet you. And I wish to ask you a quite simple query, how can I assist? And by asking you that straightforward query, I can discover out what do you care about? What are your issues, what are stuff you’re enthusiastic about?
After which I’m going to attempt to pull a kind of threads and say, what? Jamie actually cares about this. If I see an article, I’m going to ship it to her. If I could make an introduction, I’m going to make it for her. I’m going to attempt to anticipate wants. Or I’m going to attempt to remedy an issue. Or I’m going to attempt to do one thing with good intention to deliver worth to you as a result of I do know it’s one thing you care about. And it’s not what I feel it’s invaluable. It’s what you suppose is effective.
And picture if I hold exhibiting up in your life bringing worth to you. Aren’t we going to create relationship?
100%.
Aren’t you going to wish to do enterprise with me? Aren’t you going to wish to rent my firm? Aren’t you going to wish to advocate me to any individual else? That’s what I imply about creating worth for different folks. Discover a strategy to create worth for folks you care about. As a result of while you do, you make a deposit of their belief financial institution. And while you make a deposit in somebody’s belief financial institution, you construct a relationship. And while you construct relationship, you enhance your repute.
So I actually really feel that — I’ve a consulting agency, so I’ve shoppers. So I have to consistently take into consideration how do I create worth for them? As a result of they’ve alternative. They’ll go discuss to any individual else or rent any individual else. What’s my secret sauce? What’s the factor that I do know I can create worth for them?
It began with my dad and mom. So my mother, I instructed you I had MS. My father additionally had ALS. I had two dad and mom with neurological ailments. I obtained some fairly powerful playing cards. It began at house. I stated, what can I do to make their day higher, one small factor I can do to make them happier or higher or extra comfy? After which after I began creating worth for my dad and mom primarily based on being their caretaker and them being so sick, I’m like, that felt good.
It felt good doing one thing good that created worth for them. I used to be questioning if I can take that at work. I’m wondering if I can create worth for my crew. I’m wondering if I can create worth for my boss or my firm. And it’s about possibly considering strategically or attempting to consider one thing they hadn’t thought of, or step up and do one thing they didn’t ask you to do. That’s worth.
Effectively, worth comes with expertise, too. And I imply, should you’re simply listening proper now or watching, I really feel the power and I really feel the arrogance. And that needed to come from reps. So I’ve to ask the query as a result of everyone goes to be impressed and excited. However you most likely have been instructed no quite a bit.
100%.
However let’s speak about resilience in that. And why no is usually — or I’d say, a variety of occasions good as a result of it means that you can know learn how to come again to how can I reposition that query? How can I create that worth that you simply had been simply chatting with? So are you able to discuss a little bit bit about resilience?
I imply, I failed quite a bit in my life. I’ve been fired from jobs fairly a bit. And from failure come invaluable classes. And I feel failure will not be the other of success. It’s a part of success. It’s the way you get there. And I’m telling you that if you wish to give worth to different folks, you should be invaluable.
So you should know issues. You could be capable to execute. You could have that resilience. Like, OK, should you get you knock on three doorways and two of them say no, are you going to have the center and the gumption and the arrogance to return and knock on that third door or not? And it’s trial and error. It’s life.
You’re going to have these. There’s loads of occasions the place I had setbacks or I’ve been instructed no. Or the worth I used to be creating wasn’t sufficient. It was good, nevertheless it wasn’t invaluable to them of their eyes. So that you’re going to need to construct that muscle. You’re going to need to discover ways to create worth for different folks. However when you do, you grow to be indispensable.
There’s something in that, too, about you need to then bear in mind and know and belief your personal worth. So let’s speak about that for a second. As a result of if I don’t consider that I’ve worth to supply, you’re holding your self again.
All people does.
I do know.
All people does. All people has distinctive abilities. And no one’s judging you as a lot as you’re judging your self. So as —
Say that once more. You bought to listen to this. Say that one once more.
No person’s judging you as a lot as you’re judging your self. As a result of it’s true. All people has one thing. Everybody’s like, I don’t have a secret sauce or there’s nothing that I’m good at. That’s not possible. That’s not possible. Are you good with folks? Then possibly that’s your secret sauce. Are you good at drawback fixing? That’s your secret sauce. Are you good with being listener? As a result of that’s so necessary. Listening is the way you develop the technique and the concepts and the insights.
There’s one thing. It’s simply figuring out it. And one of many issues I do within the e book to assist folks determine what their secret sauce is is ask these questions. What do folks used to explain me? What are three phrases you’ll use to explain me? What are issues that I take pleasure in doing that I discover deliver me pleasure? These are the issues which can be your secret sauce.
Like I take pleasure in engaged on tough issues and attempting to crack them. I take pleasure in doing analysis. I take pleasure in getting on the market and assembly folks and networking. I imply, just lately, I spoke at a giant occasion. It’s a networking occasion with 10,000 folks. And I requested everybody within the viewers to lift their hand, how many individuals within the viewers are good at networking or love networking? And actually, no one raised their fingers. And I’m like, it is a networking occasion.
Like, we’re right here.
Yeah, as a result of they actually really feel it’s intimidating to community, which we discuss quite a bit about within the e book. However I really feel like, should you really feel you’re hitting setbacks otherwise you’re hitting that failure wall otherwise you really feel such as you don’t have that secret sauce, take a step again. One of many issues that I used to be instructed — I obtained requested to do a venture, and I didn’t suppose I may do it.
One in all my pals stated to me, Maha, return and skim your resume. Generally, we neglect of what we’ve executed. You bought an training. You had jobs. You have got a profession. You’ve executed issues. We simply don’t take inventory at it.
It’s such an necessary reminder to — it’s that pause and replicate. You understand the place you’ve been to then hopefully form the place you’re going. And I don’t know, we have to do extra of that. Decelerate.
I feel generally, it will get complicated for people. They have a look at confidence after which cockiness, possibly. And I’m like, I don’t wish to replicate on self. I don’t wish to make it about self. However that’s the worth.
That’s the worth. Really, while you see the identify of the e book, Self-reliance, folks suppose, self is in it. It means egocentric. It means I ought to depend on myself that I don’t want anyone else. When you learn the e book, that is the precise reverse of what the e book is about. It’s about empowering your self to be like, hey, I can do issues. I can know issues. And if the instruments of self-reliance, it’ll change your thoughts about what it’s about.
Yep, I’ll reshape that. Let’s return to these guidelines. As a result of I do know the subsequent one, you stated, don’t be a waiter, rule quantity three.
This occurred to me. So, I used to be sitting with pals, having a cup of tea. And I had a job. I used to be getting up, going to work, going to my pals, figuring out. I had my routine. I used to be dwelling. There was nothing unsuitable with my life. I wasn’t sad in any means, form, or type. And considered one of my pals stated to me, you’re a waiter. And I stated, what?
And he’s like, you’re ready. You’re ready in your boss to offer you that venture that’s going to make you a rock star. You’re ready for somebody to offer you a promotion. You’re ready since you suppose you deserve one thing and it’s going to return to you. You’re ready till you meet Mr. Proper. You’re ready till you drop a few pounds. You’re ready till you get more cash within the checking account.
And I used to be pissed off. I used to be upset. Sorry. I used to be actually upset as a result of he was proper. I used to be ready. I knew that I used to be able to extra. I knew that I had issues I wished to do. I used to be simply hoping that as a result of I deserved it, it was going to return to me. Or I used to be ready for somebody to acknowledge me. I’m like, properly, don’t they know that I’m working actually exhausting? I deserve this.
Are you ready for permission from others? Are you ready since you concern failure? Generally, I didn’t do issues as a result of I didn’t need folks to evaluate me and say, who does she suppose she is? I feared failure. I feared judgment. I used to be ready for permission. And I’m like, what do I want permission from different folks for? It’s my life. Solely I understand how to drive it and dwell it and be part of it.
And I really feel like lots of people are ready. And I wish to encourage you to undergo this e book, learn the workout routines to find out should you’re a waiter. As a result of I actually really feel that it’ll kickstart you into eager about, gosh, I’m ready. What am I ready for? That is the chapter that will get them. When folks learn the e book, they’re like, oh, dang it. Dang it. I don’t wish to wait.
That is the place I’ve been caught.
I’ve been caught. Or like, there’s one thing you wish to do. You’re simply not doing it. Why aren’t you doing it?
The concern of the unknown. You bought to have the ability to advocate for your self.
I wrote that phrase down. Actually wrote the identical phrase.
It’s important to advocate for your self. And it’s so overseas in sure areas. So now, should you’re the one who’s talking up, it’s like, you’re the outlier.
However child step it. That’s what I’m attempting to say. Generally, I don’t wish to do issues as a result of I don’t wish to take that first step. Step one is the toughest. I’m like, OK, what am I ready for? I’m ready for this stuff.
What’s one factor I can tick off this, a small step that I can do this’s digestible, that’s not going to place me in a susceptible place. Attempt to simply take a step particularly as we’re eager about our lives and the way busy we’re and what we do. What’s one factor I can do? I’m not asking you to do 10 steps or 4 steps. I’m saying do one.
It’s related with an train program. Like I wish to run a marathon. You’re to not exit and run a marathon. It’s important to run that first two-mile run and construct up. It’s important to construct up —
You have to get the sneakers. That’s step one. You have to go for a stroll. That’s the second step. You have to go for an extended stroll. Then you’ll want to begin jogging. Such as you simply child step it.
I’d say transparency is essential on this house. So far as while you’re taking these steps, transparency, making the attention to the person who you’re chatting with the needs that you really want. You bought to place it on the market. As a result of honesty is completely different from transparency. See, honesty is I’m ready so that you can ask me the query. Then I will be actual with you. I’ve been ready for that so that you can discuss concerning the promotion.
Thanks.
Versus transparency — over the previous 12 months, these are the issues which have been executed. What worth do you affiliate to that? Now, you’re clear with it, however on the identical time, you’re taking the step, and also you’re advocating for your self.
For your self.
So I really like that. Subsequent rule, as a result of we love the place we’re going at with this. It’s obtained unlearn, relearn, and put money into your self. Piggybacking off what we simply stated. So while you speak about people who can’t get by this, they’ll’t break by that barrier. We’ve a hard and fast mindset that’s setting them up. And then you definitely clearly has a progress mindset. It was the other finish of that spectrum.
100%.
So discuss to us.
So what do you’ll want to unlearn? What issues have modified in time — as a result of occasions are altering — that you’ll want to rethink? Like what conversations am I having with myself primarily based on possibly previous beliefs or issues that aren’t true anymore? Like for instance, careers are usually not linear. We don’t simply do one factor.
You wish to have completely different varieties and views. Like having a facet hustle is regular as a result of you could have different pursuits exterior your work. Doesn’t imply you don’t love your day job. It means you could have different pursuits, and also you wish to nurture and feed that cup. Relearning — what do you’ll want to relearn? As a result of training doesn’t cease while you end faculty. The market’s altering a lot.
After which final however not least, which is on the quilt of the e book, put money into your self. What are you able to do to put money into your self? I’m not going to attend for my supervisor to say, listed below are some issues I would like you to study. I’ve entry to the web. Podcasts are at no cost. YouTube movies are at no cost. Speaking to any individual is at no cost. What are you doing to put money into your self? I don’t wish to be left behind as a result of I don’t know issues. And what? It’s by no means been simpler. We’ve by no means lived in a better time to study. Folks’s morning hacks or morning routines or what to do in sure conditions? We will study and put money into your self, and it’s so rewarding and it’s so enjoyable.
Studying books. And I’m not saying go take formal training and take courses. Studying comes from all over the place. You’ll be able to Google a phrase a day, and also you’ve realized one thing. And what? It’s truly good in your mind. And should you stroll and hearken to a podcast, the quantity of endorphins and well-being it does in your mind, it helps you keep that info.
So actually take into consideration that. How can I incorporate studying into my life? And it’s as soon as per week. Is it as soon as a month? When you stroll away from nothing on this podcast, stroll away from this. I would like you to put money into your self. You’re the one who can drive your progress. And that’s why it’s in a e book about self-reliance. I wish to depend on myself, to put money into myself.
Pay to be in rooms. Pay to go to conferences. Pay to put money into studying issues. As a result of while you do, you haven’t solely well-being and also you’ve helped your mind as a result of studying is de facto good for you, you give your self a aggressive benefit both at work or with different folks or constructing relationships as a result of information is energy.
And that’s the reason I really feel like I’m so enthusiastic about being a lifelong learner. I at all times wish to know what’s occurring. I’m curious concerning the world round me. And I really feel prefer it’s actually necessary to consider when you could have a to do listing of spending time with pals, or figuring out or socializing, the place is studying in your precedence listing?
And to your level, it doesn’t need to be formal training.
No.
It doesn’t need to price hundreds of {dollars}. It truly is.
Free.
And it’s at our fingertips more often than not now. It’s like, I can Google this and I study one thing. And possibly it’s a pastime you wish to study. That each one issues. It builds proper over time.
It’s free.
Sure.
My level is, it’s free. Why wouldn’t you reap the benefits of it?
We simply need to cease being distracted. Type of keep low.
However identical to, yeah, precisely. However like podcasts, I can study — I hearken to a variety of medical podcasts as a result of I don’t like consuming that in books. However I wish to study what are the most recent well being hacks and medical issues which can be occurring. I like listening to completely different tales. I wish to study how a CEO constructed his enterprise. Or I’m interested by cooking issues or no matter it’s that I’m enthusiastic about. It doesn’t need to be associated to your work.
Simply coaching your mind to study one thing is all you’ll want to battle getting older. They stated seven minutes a day. When you learn seven minutes a day, that may forestall Alzheimer’s. It looks as if a easy factor. However studying is in your mind. What figuring out is in your physique.
I like that.
Work that muscle.
Work it.
Seven minutes a day of studying.
And we obtained the time for it.
100%.
We obtained the time for it.
You bought seven minutes.
All day. All day. So right here we go. Test it out. Consider your repute as forex. Let unfastened on us. Come on.
Yeah, I imply, give it some thought. We dwell in a cancel tradition. Everybody has a repute. What are you doing to construct it? What are you doing to guard it? I would like you to deal with it like a forex. It’s invaluable. What’s it’s value? And the way are you rising it? So when you’ve got a robust repute, good issues and alternatives will come to you. It’s about your relationships along with your neighbors, with your loved ones, at work. When you have a job, your private model — lots of people hear the phrase private model.
They’re like, Maha, I’m not a social media influencer. That’s not what I’m attempting to do. I would like you to remove the time period private model and substitute it with the time period repute. And don’t you care about your repute? What’s your repute at work? Private model at work? You’re a crew participant. You’re listener. You’re resourceful. You’re a go-getter. You’re formidable. You’re a pacesetter. You’re listener.
And should you’re an entrepreneur, you’ll want to take into consideration your private model as a result of that’s the way you’re going to draw traders. That’s the way you’re going to draw the suitable expertise. That’s the way you’re going to draw the suitable companions. It issues. And the extra AI integrates into our life, the extra private manufacturers are going to matter.
Inform us extra about that. What position do you see AI enjoying in that?
100%. I imply, it performs a really huge position. As a result of initially, AI will eradicate a variety of jobs. And so lots of people are going to be self-employed or self entrepreneurs. And we’ll need to know, how do I construct a relationship? How do I construct my repute so folks will work with me? Individuals are going to be compelled to be their very own companies and types, whether or not they prefer it or not. And it’s straightforward to do. And it’s truly, economically, very highly effective to do.
So I really feel like that’s the very first thing. The second factor is, after I take into consideration your private model, your repute, or how the market’s altering, take into consideration relationships you could have what are the reputations of the folks that you simply work together with? And why do you gravitate in direction of sure folks, is as a result of they’ve sturdy private manufacturers, sturdy repute. You wish to be related to them. You wish to do enterprise with them. You wish to have them in your circle as a community.
When you construct a robust repute, you appeal to the suitable community, the suitable relationships, the suitable alternatives. And I train within the e book a playbook of learn how to construct your private model, your repute on-line and offline. As a result of what actually issues will not be what you do on social media. It’s the way you deal with folks in actual life — the barista, your colleagues, your pals, your neighbors. What’s your repute? It issues.
As a result of we wish to say — you spend time with the folks which can be the 5 folks which can be in your circle, those that affect you. Take into consideration who you wish to spend firm and spend time with and be in firm with. It issues.
An ideal mentor of mine instructed me, I wish to say again in 2016, he was speaking about everyone’s so targeted on internet value. He stated it’s the community that opens up the entry. And from the entry, the byproduct is internet value. So what meaning is now, the corporate that you simply hold.
The notion, should you see me on the facet of the Timberwolves sideline once they’re enjoying the sport, the notion is, oh, man, he’s any individual simply because I’m sitting on the sideline. However the actuality is, I’m the identical particular person. However the notion — and that’s what that entry level that I’m speaking about in these relationships to what you’re speaking about in repute and that forex piece, all of these issues, all of it intertwines.
The rationale I exploit the phrase forex is I would like folks to understand how invaluable it’s to them. And the way a lot it may be a door opener and a forex with different folks. And the opposite factor is, when you concentrate on this, the community and the web value, lots of people don’t wish to construct their private manufacturers even when they’re not going to be posting on social media as a result of they don’t have the suitable self-worth to construct their internet value.
In order that they’re overthinking it. Or they don’t have the arrogance. Or they suppose, oh, I’m not a private model. And you’re. You actually are. You actually have one thing to supply on the planet being pleasant, being useful. All of the issues that who you present up, the way you present up on the planet, that’s your repute. And I really feel like lots of people put it off to the facet.
Like I’ve one. I can’t management it. It’s what folks understand of me. And my level is, no, it’s not. It’s truly one thing that must be the very first thing you concentrate on each single day of learn how to construct it, learn how to develop it. And while you do put money into your self and issues, and you’ll create worth for different folks, and also you construct your private model, and also you construct the suitable reputations, that’s the methodology of being self-reliant is you perceive how necessary that’s. And that driving what you care about.
That makes whole sense. And it’s additionally simply obtained my thoughts spinning about the place I have to spend a while. Be a long-term participant. I feel this one’s actually fascinating since you talked a little bit bit about these small steps. However there’s one thing about that long run. So inform us about that.
I imply, I feel we dwell in a world of instantaneous gratification. We wish to faucet to pay and get out of the shop. We wish to obtain the entire sequence proper now. We don’t wish to wait. We don’t even wish to wait three seconds for a video to load. They are saying should you don’t hook a buyer particular person in three seconds, they transfer on. Our relationship with time has modified.
And I wish to be a long-term participant for every part I’ve executed in my life. And I inform some actually loopy and enjoyable tales within the e book. You have to be considering long run. Make a deposit in any individual’s belief financial institution. And make a number of deposits in numerous folks’s belief banks. Think about you strolling by life, David, within the subsequent 5 to 10 years, making deposits in folks’s belief banks. Whenever you want one thing, you’ll make a withdrawal. And also you’ll be capable to make that withdrawal since you’ve hung out doing good deeds for different folks, being good intentions.
This chapter, being a long-term participant is all about learn how to construct your personal community. One of many causes is in a e book about self-reliance is I would like you to depend on your self to know learn how to construct a relationship and learn how to nurture a relationship and construct a community. How do you grasp the artwork of networking on LinkedIn? How do you grasp the artwork of networking on a Zoom or a Groups name?
There’s folks — I work at an organization. I wish to community with them. How do I do this? I train you the way to do that within the e book. The way to construct a relationship? The way to nurture it? Your community will not be there to serve you, to get you tickets to a Wolves recreation, or a job in your son. You have to study serving your community. As a result of while you do, you made a deposit within the belief financial institution. You’ve added worth to them. They know extra about your repute. All of it hyperlinks collectively.
And I really feel like having a really sturdy community and a gaggle of relationships is one thing I would like everybody to have of their fingers. These playing cards of their fingers and counting on themselves to construct their relationships. What if we have now one other pandemic? Am I going to name you Jamie, and say, hey, Jamie, these relationships you could have? Can I exploit them? Why don’t I discover ways to construct my very own relationships?
It’s important to begin with you once more. Again to you.
And I imply, a variety of the rules of this e book is I would like folks to have all of the playing cards of their fingers. And people playing cards are expertise, expertise, information, and relationships. As a result of when you’ve got good relationships, you may depend on your self while you want one thing. When you have good expertise, you’ll be capable to create worth for different folks. When you have expertise since you’ve invested in your self in studying, you’ll be capable to leverage that.
And when you’ve got information — that’s once more the lifelong studying — that’s one thing that’s going that can assist you hold going and depend on your self. And I really feel like one of many causes I wrote this e book was I wished folks to redefine what they thought of when they consider self-reliance. Now, it’s about expertise, expertise, information, relationships. And that issues.
So if I’m listening to you proper, the infinite recreation, and over time, making these small deposits. After which at any time when you’ll want to make a withdrawal, it’s there for you since you constructed these —
Goodwill.
—concrete, sturdy relationships.
100%.
I really like that. I really like that. So right here we go. I really like this subsequent one. Rule quantity seven, dwell with no regrets.
I imply, it’s straightforward to say, very tough to do. And this stems from my private expertise of my mom with MS and my father with ALS. What are the chances that I’ve two dad and mom with neurological ailments that would want full-time care? I turned a caretaker.
And for 22 years of my life, I used to be caretaking for my dad and mom, not solely feeding, bathing, clothes them, however making all their medical selections and hoping I’m making the suitable medical selections and educating myself about doing the suitable factor for them. And I may have been fairly down and out of myself, of my scenario, of my life, of those are the playing cards that I obtained dealt.
And I used to be like, properly, how can I flip this setback into what I wish to name a comeback? And the way can I flip my struggles into my strengths? And what can I study from this course of so I don’t remorse having to be a caretaker for many of my life? It taught me about empathy. It taught me about endurance. It gave me a variety of perspective.
If I’m having a nasty day, all I needed to do is have a look at them. They’ve feeding tubes and trachs. And it wasn’t scenario that they — I may get off the bed and put my ft on the bottom and stand up. They didn’t have that straightforward luxurious. And so I really feel like I don’t need you to dwell with regrets. If one thing occurred to you, it doesn’t outline you.
And I would like you to consider you don’t wish to dwell your life considering, I woulda, shoulda, coulda. We’re solely on this planet for therefore lengthy. Have that perspective of is that this actually what I wish to dwell my life doing? Is that this actually how I wish to get mad about one thing? Or is that this actually definitely worth the angst, it’s stress that’s inflicting me? 9 occasions out of 10, it’s most likely not.
And to depend on your self means you don’t remorse issues that occurred to you. You settle for them, and also you let go of them so that you could obtain the stuff you care about and deal with what actually issues. Once I lived in Dubai, I had an amazing life. I lived in an incredible metropolis. I had an amazing job. I used to be making good cash. I had no motive to go away Dubai.
However when the pandemic hit and the considered me not seeing my household once more, it was a no brainer. I used to be like, I’m on the subsequent flight out. And I didn’t wish to remorse having to — what if I obtained caught right here? I didn’t wish to have that remorse. And I moved again. And I’m like, I don’t understand how I’m going to start out over once more. I don’t have an organization. I don’t have a community. I’ve been dwelling abroad for 23 years.
Think about you leaving someplace and coming again. Every part’s modified in 23 years. So I’m like, OK, however I do know I’m going to depend on myself. I’ve expertise. I’ve expertise. I understand how to community. I’ve repute. And I relied on myself to rebuild, and I did.
And if I can do it, so are you able to. As a result of I don’t have a checking account. I don’t have a household enterprise. I depend on myself to realize the issues I wish to get executed. And I’m prepared to place within the exhausting work and the prepared to place within the effort. And should you’re prepared to try this, you are able to do something.
I really like that. So we’ve been by your guidelines. We simply heard from you about having that perspective, your capability to do no matter you set your thoughts to. When any individual finishes this e book, what would you like them to stroll away with? I imply, you’ve talked a little bit bit about that. However finally, what’s the takeaway, the end result —
Effectively, lots of people have learn it. Nearly 10,000 folks have learn this e book. So what they’ve instructed me of their tweets and messages that they get from studying this e book is that they get the arrogance to belief themselves. A number of us have that internal intestine that we don’t hearken to. It is best to hearken to it. As a result of solely what’s greatest for you.
Nobody goes to place you on the high of your precedence listing. Your loved ones helps you and loves you and cares about you. However nobody’s waking up every single day considering, OK, Jamie, you’re the highest of my listing. I’m going to run your profession and convey you all these alternatives and construct your relationships for you. Nobody’s going to do it for you.
And so I feel lots of people who’ve learn the e book learn it. And initially, it’s a fast learn. You’ll get by it. Or if you wish to hearken to an audiobook, and I narrated it myself. However I feel folks get a variety of confidence of like, oh, that is sensible. That is stuff I can truly do. And a small factor will make a giant distinction.
I hold listening to with the small issues, too. We’ve talked quite a bit on this podcast about behavior stacking. And that’s what this seems like, too. It’s like someday at a time, one talent at a time, one lesson at a time.
The small issues are the large issues. Really, there’s an entire part within the e book about that. That the small issues find yourself being the large issues.
You understand my saying on that one — too huge to do the little issues, and too little to do huge issues. You already know that one.
I really like that one. I really like that. Really, I instructed a narrative within the e book that nothing is beneath you. Once I moved to Egypt, I used to be 27. And I couldn’t discover a job. I had labored at Normal Mills, and I had like this cool job working in sports activities advertising and marketing, a cool job. And I get to Egypt, and I can’t discover a job. And I attempt to apply to Pepsi and Coca-Cola and P&G. I wish to work in an American firm as a result of I do know that surroundings. I can thrive in it.
And I obtained to Egypt. And I obtained provided to work as a secretary for a billionaire. And I went house that day simply upset. I’m like, I’m overqualified. I don’t wish to be an admin. Like, that’s not what I got here right here to do. Is that basically what I’m going to be doing right here is be — I’m overqualified. I used to be actually filled with myself.
And my dad gave me some recommendation on the time that I didn’t actually see his foresight or perception. That he’s like, it is best to take this job. And I’m like, what? He’s like, you simply moved right here. You don’t know anyone. If I had been you, I’d go in, put your head down. Put within the exhausting work. Make this job what it may be. Create worth for him. Be taught the enterprise.
It is a excellent surroundings so that you can study learn how to do enterprise in a brand new nation you’ve by no means executed enterprise earlier than. Learn to community and socialize with everybody. The workplace supervisor within the Center East is just like the chief of workers. So anybody who must get to the billionaire or the chairman of the corporate should undergo you. If I had been you, this is sort of a excellent alternative so that you can get entry and meet everybody within the nation.
I used to be so upset. The subsequent day, I went in and I accepted the job. And I sat exterior the chairman’s workplace, answering telephones, scheduling conferences. However I used to be like, I used to be actually not completely happy about it. However I’m like, I’m going to go to work every single day with pleasure, and I’m going to grasp this position. And I’m going to indicate him that I’m able to doing extra. However first, I’m going to do what he needs. And I did.
I learn each piece of paper going within the workplace, popping out. I networked with everybody. I wished to be a pleasure to work with. I wished everybody to fulfill me. I wished to construct relationships, construct contacts, and that’s a narrative — it’s one of many tales within the e book that I share as a result of I’m like, no job is beneath you. Be prepared to place within the exhausting work. Be taught the worth of constructing relationships. Be taught the worth of making worth for others. And I can inform you, for 4 years I labored for this chairman. I began as his secretary, and I ended up his enterprise companion.
Wow.
Fairly superb.
It’s.
I put within the effort. I put within the exhausting work. I created worth. After which I nagged him. I’m like, I can do extra. I can do extra. I can do extra.
Advocate for your self.
The greasy wheel obtained the grease. After which he lastly is like, high-quality, I’ll provide you with a venture so you may get out of my hair. After which I nailed it. I delivered. After which he’s like, OK, I feel she will do extra.
I really like that. So we hit on quite a bit. We hit on quite a bit. So we wish to be sure that we didn’t miss something.
Earlier than I provide you with our mic drop second.
I’m prepared.
Are you prepared for the mic drop second?
Yeah, I’m prepared.
Let’s do it.
So that you simply stated one thing about your father. I wish to return to childhood with each your dad and mom. And I heard you talk about each your dad and mom all through the podcast. What was one thing that you simply keep in mind early on round communication out of your dad and mom that you simply nonetheless champion at this time?
I feel a variety of it was my dad instructed me — and my mother did as properly — however what you place between your two ears, nobody can take away from you — your information. And also you’ve obtained to discover ways to construct your personal power and powers. And lots of people can take quite a bit away from you. And also you’re not going to be handed something. However should you deal with being sensible and investing in your self, that carried with me my entire life.
And my dad was a professor and dean of enterprise faculty. My grandfather was in training. My aunts and uncles got here from training. And I really feel like that was a giant a part of my DNA and rising up. I’ve an older sister. She works at Normal Mills. She’s been there for 35 years. She’s an government vice chairman. And he actually raised sturdy women to consider should you’re sensible, nobody can take something away from you. And exhausting work clearly can’t substitute that.
However I really feel like my childhood in Minnesota was all about neighborhood and being with one another folks and constructing relationships. And I really feel like that was a giant a part of ingrained in me in my childhood in addition to studying the worth of working with different folks and needing different folks. It’s not about being self-reliant, like not needing any individual. It’s in actual fact, your energy comes from who you hang around with and who you spend time with and who you make investments relationships with.
That’s superior. That’s superior.
Effectively, Maha, we’re so grateful to have you ever be a part of us at this time.
Thanks.
We would like folks to you’ll want to take a look at your e book, Seven Guidelines of Self-Reliance. It’s obtainable, I feel, on all the main booksellers.
Sure, at Barnes and Noble, Amazon. It’s obtainable all over the place. If anybody listens to the e book or buys the e book, share suggestions with me as a result of that’s how I study what you care about essentially the most.
And so they can share that with you. You have got your web site, mahaabouelenein.com. Plus you’re on LinkedIn, Fb, TikTok. Instagram.
And Instagram. We may simply search your identify there, and we’ll discover you. And we’ll you’ll want to hyperlink to it from our present notes.
Thanks, Jamie. Thanks, David.
Thanks a lot.
